I'm experiencing some sadness this week. For the first time, I was able to review a medical file for a waiting child. She is such a cutie.....her diagnosis is meningocele, which in simple terms is a pouch of fluid on the spine. I received her file on Monday morning and spent all day on the phone talking to local doctors as well as the neurosurgery clinic at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. I was getting close to accepting her as 'mine'....but I didn't make my decision soon enough. Another family has been placed with her....a very fine family with Children' s Hope International. It is clear that she will have a wonderful and loving family.
But, I have to say that I was getting attached....it felt real and felt like she would be mine. I'm a somewhat cautious person, therefore, I needed to speak with medical professionals that would reassure me that I could handle this kind of special need. I was gaining confidence as the day went on.....but, it just didn't go in my favor this time. It did, however, go in favor of that sweet little waiting child, and that is the most important thing.
This week I've questioned whether or not God thinks I deserve my own child. My head knows that this is what God has in store for me....thus far, He has made the path smooth and I have confidence in His plan........but my heart still wonders.
So, I'll be checking out the waiting child list on a daily basis....probably will be checking it two or three times per day. And, in the meantime, I'll just wait.