What a Week!

First of all, my dossier has finally (after two years) made it into the 'Matching Room' of the CCAA. That's the good news. The bad news is that it will probably be in the matching room for.....who knows how long!

I'm now on the SN list, so I do expect to get a referral of a waiting child. And, I have reviewed three medical files for three beautiful 'waiting children' from the multiple agency list.......each with differing special needs. It was a roller coaster week. In one case, I didn't lock the little girl's file in time, and in the case of the other two, the medical issues were just too serious.

I do have a gut feeling that I'll know who Caroline is before too long. My gut feelings have been wrong before, but I hope I'm right this time.

Logged-In Two Years Ago Today

Today is the 2-year anniversary of my China adoption log-in date. I guess that means that two years have passed very quickly, but it also seems that I've been waiting for my Caroline for such a long time. I'm still trying to maintain a positive attitude and praying that Caroline will come in the form of a waiting child in the next few months....but I'll leave it in God's hands, because He knows who and where she is.

Sadness

I'm experiencing some sadness this week. For the first time, I was able to review a medical file for a waiting child. She is such a cutie.....her diagnosis is meningocele, which in simple terms is a pouch of fluid on the spine. I received her file on Monday morning and spent all day on the phone talking to local doctors as well as the neurosurgery clinic at Riley Children's Hospital in Indianapolis. I was getting close to accepting her as 'mine'....but I didn't make my decision soon enough. Another family has been placed with her....a very fine family with Children' s Hope International. It is clear that she will have a wonderful and loving family.

But, I have to say that I was getting attached....it felt real and felt like she would be mine. I'm a somewhat cautious person, therefore, I needed to speak with medical professionals that would reassure me that I could handle this kind of special need. I was gaining confidence as the day went on.....but, it just didn't go in my favor this time. It did, however, go in favor of that sweet little waiting child, and that is the most important thing.

This week I've questioned whether or not God thinks I deserve my own child. My head knows that this is what God has in store for me....thus far, He has made the path smooth and I have confidence in His plan........but my heart still wonders.

So, I'll be checking out the waiting child list on a daily basis....probably will be checking it two or three times per day. And, in the meantime, I'll just wait.

You Might Be Adopting From China If........

You know that I-600 and I-171 aren't highways.
You've been expecting a baby for over 3 years.
You've paid for 3 citizenships, but never brought anyone into the U.S.
You know that waiting for China has nothing to do with Dillard's or dishes.
Your home study is followed by a number (i.e. #3 or #4).
You never know how many days next month will have.
You know that babies come in batches.
You've been fingerprinted four times, but never committed a crime.
You automatically assume everyone who is expecting is having a girl.
You own new clothing in 3 little sizes for all 4 seasons (because you don't know when or how big). You look twice when you see a ladybug.
You're more interested in what will happen in March '06 than in March '09.
You know people who understand when you talk about 2w day months & 5 day months.
Your due date hasn't changed by days, but by years.
You know who the Rumor Queen is....AND....you don't know who she is.
You know that forecast doesn't have anything to do with the weather.
You've waited so long, they re-checked your fingerprints to see if they changed.
Trying to understand why they're printing you again, you study your own fingerprints and
wonder if fingerprints grow wrinkles.
When you speak of 'that time of the month' you're talking about CCAA updates & referrals.

And finally, you might be adopting from China if you love someone you've never met with all of your heart!

In the Middle of the Blahs

So it's late January. I've just returned from one of my favorite music education conferences that I always look forward to. I am in the 3rd week of the semester.....reality hits. I'm going through the 'blahs' right now. I'm now living for Spring break......that's awful because I should be living 'in the moment' and appreciating each day........I'll work on that.

When will the April '07 LID's be out of the review room?????????? I'm trying to figure out the approximate time that I might be going to China to get my little Caroline. Is it 2010? Please, please, let it be no later than that. I'm needing my little Caroline....especially after I held a former student's 3-month-old baby. Oh my, the maternal instincts kicked in big time.

World Premier Musical in Chicago

Last week, I attended the Midwest Band Clinic in Chicago, a yearly event that I ALWAYS look forward to. This year, while in Chicago, I was able to see a world premier musical titled "The Bowery Boys" starring a former student of my friend Pam Smith Kelly. What a great evening! The musical was wonderful, as was the performance of Brian Sears, the 'star.' There is a strong possibility that 'The Bowery Boys' will be going to Broadway. Above is a picture of me, Brian Sears, Pam Smith Kelly, and Sandy Stoekel. Pam and Sandy are special friends from undergrad days at Central Missouri State. Pam is SO PROUD of her former student.

Merry Christmas from Higgins

Higgins is sitting still with his eyes on a treat....that seems to be the only way he'll obey my commands. He even sat still so that I could tie the red bow around his neck. I will be traveling to Kansas City for Christmas so that Mom and I can be with family....that is the current tradition. I'm looking forward to starting new Christmas traditions with my little Caroline.

Here's hoping that you have a wonderful and blessed Christmas.