As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday.
My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay.
But now my dreams have been transformed.
New visions fill my head.
Now the tresses that I long to stroke are raven black instead.
And in my dreams those eyes are not so big or blue or round.
Now in my dreams they're almond shaped
And colored cocoa brown.
And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas.
They reach half-way around the world and hold you close to me.
As you grow in your mother's womb, carefully knit together,
You're also growing in my heart, where you will stay forever.
And in my dreams the moment that your mother says goodbye,
I'll be right there to comfort you and hold you as your cry.
Our features may not look alike; we're different as can be.
But still I know the Father has created you for me.
And though I've not yet seen your face, or held your tiny hands,
And though we're half a world apart in very different lands.
I'll be right there to get you just as soon as God allows.
But 'til He says the time is right I give to you this vow.
I'll pray for your protection every night on bended knee.
For God will hold you in His arms, until you're here with me.
poem by Gayle Leubecker
Friday, April 4, 2008
I made the monumental decision to adopt in April 2006. After months of home study visits and dossier preparation, my dossier was logged-in in April 2007. Now, it is April 2008. When I started this process I thought I'd be preparing to go to China by this time. I fully expected to have Caroline home by summer of 2008. Wow, that is so far from reality. I don't even want to venture a guess as to when I'll travel to China to get Caroline. Yes, I know that this is all in God's perfect timing....I truly believe that as evidenced by His miraculous timing with other adoption issues in the last two years.....no doubts there. So, I wonder what will be happening in April of 2009. Will I be any closer? Well, obviously I'll be closer, but will I see the light at the end of the tunnel? Don't know. Will I still be keeping Caroline's pretty spring Easter dress(es) under plastic wrap in the closet? Probably so. Will I be any less faithful with regard to this process? Maybe at times, but ultimately, faith in knowing that I will see my daughter one day is what carries me through. Perhaps April will be THE MONTH when I receive Caroline's referral, or perhaps April will be THE MONTH when I travel to China for Gotcha Day. Perhaps April is the month when I re-affirm my faith in HIM, knowing that this adoption process is in HIS HANDS. I've always liked the month of April. Perhaps it is my month of new beginnings.